I’ve been obsessing about when to start the cleanse. I was thinking the 21st, Friday, since that’s the solstice, it’s the first day of the garage sale, and I’m supposed to get my period. Seems ceremonial and right and meaningful.
But then, secretly, part of me also had this idea of the garage sale being the kind of thing where you have coffee and donuts while you’re waiting for people, (or collecting money), and then afterwards you order a pizza.
But then I thought, I can get over that. There’s no reason I can’t have fun running around setting up, keeping track of money and the kids and the stuff and people while also eating…. what, exactly? Then I really started to think about what I could eat that would be on the diet that would not involve a lot of cooking and prep and I got all freaked out again.
But then I thought, what is the big deal? This is what I want to do, what it feels like my body needs so why not just begin. Now. Today.
But then, I don’t happen to have much buckwheat flour and stevia on hand at the moment and I don’t have time to go buy and then roast a chicken and Brussels sprouts between now and dinner.
I’ve been trying to look at the reality of what it will mean to eat in this way – with forethought and preparation – without denying the difficulty of it or getting overwhelmed by it. It’s a tricky balance.
When I first decided I wanted to do this, which seems like a while ago now, I thought I would be a few weeks in to the cleanse by the time we had the garage sale. Since I still haven’t started yet, I’m already feeling behind, although I don’t know whose time-frame I’m working with or how I came up with these dates to begin with. Also, having started a few weeks ago would have meant that by now I would already have achieved some level of detox, clarity and deep emotional insight, and therefore the moment when I actually got rid of the STUFF at the garage sale would somehow be more “spiritual.”
Wow – now that I have articulated that it seems pretty crazy and I see how much I’m expecting of myself and of this whole process. Okay. Good to know.
Soooo, now I’ve decided that Sunday I can do some shopping and meal planning, and then on Monday, in a relaxed and calm manner, I can begin the cleanse. Maybe not ceremonial in the way I had originally envisioned it, but this way, it will be officially fall and the house will have been cleared. I’ll be working from the outside in.
Glad that’s finally settled.
Confession: meanwhile, while I’ve been “waiting to start,” I’ve had this whole Mardi Gras thing going on, like woo-hoo!! Better eat bagels while I can because pretty soon, they’ll be a no-no. (interesting that at a different moment in my life, “bagels” would have been “beer.” ) same with chocolate and ice cream and and and…
And so the longer this gets extended, the more c rap I’m eating, and the crappier I’m feeling, and I don’t even really want the crappy food any more, it’s just some kind of ritual I have to watch myself perform.
I think I’ll adopt, “okay. Good to know” as my mantra for the time being.
